I Should be Doing the Dishes

Liam's Mid-Life Crisis

2007-11-16T21:23:00.001-08:00

The similarities are alarming, no?

Incontheivable!

The Humans are Dead...

2007-09-26T17:18:00.000-07:00

Well, just watch them.

Quote of the Day

2007-09-15T23:12:00.000-07:00

"It's no wonder we had two World Wars. We can't possibly get along."

--Nathan, watching Chevy Chase-esque German folk dancing at Oktoberfest

What's That Smell?

2007-08-27T22:42:00.001-07:00

It should come as no surprise that beans, rotting in a tupperware container in the back of the fridge, smell like the foulest farts you can imagine. And yet, somehow, it did.

Speaking of Celebrity Look Alikes...

2007-07-03T17:30:00.000-07:00

Does anyone find it odd that three of these women are Asian?

It's Hard Being Beautiful

2007-05-28T23:15:00.002-07:00

At least Nathan doesn't look like JC...

What's That??

2007-04-26T18:06:00.000-07:00

No, no, no. It's not mine. Take a deep breath.

These are the twinsies that are currently residing in my sister.

Three cheers for genetics!

Welcome to my neighborhood...

2007-03-16T15:53:00.000-07:00

We have ants living in our Mac laptop, honest to goodness. Those Mac vs. PC commercials must have been successful.

These are the too-cool-for-you-and-your-mom hipster ants of the neighborhood. They probably think they can pull off mustaches and skinny jeans.

Think again, ants. Think again.

Best Show Ever

2007-03-09T19:54:00.000-08:00

Hail to the Chief

2007-02-27T22:55:00.000-08:00

Spanky Ray: 1996-2007

What the Deuce??

2007-01-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

So help me God, this girl was TOPLESS in the hot tub at the gym. At the PUBLIC hot tub, at the PUBLIC gym. She was stretching and stretching as if that bikini top would have really gotten in the way...

I just had to tell someone and it's too late to call my parents.

2007-01-05T23:37:00.000-08:00

As promised...

2006-11-23T20:58:00.000-08:00

You'd be excited too if you were going to eat this fine, fine turkey...

Wait for it, wait for it...

2006-11-22T19:11:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow you will be wowed by a picture of The Most Glorious Thanksgiving Turkey That Ever Previously Roamed the Earth.

That, or some take out chinese food. We'll have to see.

2006-11-17T21:23:00.000-08:00

This pretty much sums up how Thanksgiving ended for me last year.

Crazy Cat Lady

2006-11-13T20:28:00.000-08:00

Sex Change

2006-10-11T15:38:00.000-07:00

So guess who turned out to be girls?

And I was just getting used to calling them Buster and Mister. I hope we haven't screwed them up for life.

Free Derek Webb

2006-10-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

For any of you that have not heard Derek Webb (former member of Caedmon's Call), you really, really should. And you can, for free! You can download his new CD Mockingbird @ www.freederekwebb.com. The entire thing, and he asks that you burn as many copies as you like and pass them around. What a guy!

We had the opportunity to see him in concert last night at this tiny coffee shop in Vancouver-- the man can sing and the man can write lyrics that really cut to the heart. He exemplifies what it means to be an artist and a Christian with music that flows from the true and honest struggle of following Christ in a fallen world. It's heavy stuff at times and most of it should be shouted from the rooftops to the American Church to wake them from the stupor of the American Dream (coming from a person who needs a megaphone in the face most of the time).

If you want to be challenged in your faith, check it out. If you want something more than mindless bubble-gum radio crap packaged as "Christian Music", check it out. If you want to hear some really good music, period, check it out.

A King & A Kingdom

who's your brother, who's your sister
you just walked passed him
i think you missed her
as we're all migrating to the place where our father lives
'cause we married in to a family of immigrants

my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country, or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it's to a king & a kingdom

there are two great lies that i’ve heard:
“the day you eat of the fruit of that tree, you will not surely die”
and that Jesus Christ was a white, middle-class republican
and if you wanna be saved you have to learn to be like Him

but nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one, sure as hell
but he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh no, he may not look like you think

And you thought your day was bad...

2006-10-07T23:47:00.000-07:00

Bathing cats is about as easy as, well, herding cats. Which is hard.

Sick Day

2006-10-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

Bustopher Jones

Mr. Crabtree

Let it be known that it was Nathan who stopped in the driveway with one kitten in hand and said "Would it be that much harder to have two kittens?"

Twice the food, twice the litter, twice the vet bills... but twice the mind-numbing cuteness.

I love these kids

2006-09-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

Little sister Becky and even littler nephew Ben

Goosebumps

2006-09-27T21:41:00.000-07:00

I just re-read this portion of Lewis' "Last Battle" and it chokes me up every time:

Then the great giant raised a horn to his mouth. They could see this by the change of the black shape he made against the stars. After that--quite a bit later, because sound travels so slowly--they heard the sound of the horn: high and terrible, yet of strange, deadly beauty.

Immediately the sky became full of shooting stars. Even one shooting star is a fine thing to see, but these were dozens, and then scores, and then hundreds, till it was like silver rain: and it went on and on. And when it had gone on for some while, one or two of them began to think that there was another dark shape against the sky as well as the giant's. It was in a different place, right overhead, up in the very roof of the sky as you might call it. "Perhaps it is a cloud," thought Edmund. At any rate, there were no stars there: just blackness. But all around the downpour of stars went on. And then the starless patch began to grow, spreading further and further out from the centre of the sky. And presently a quarter of the whole sky was black, then a half, and at last the rain of shooting stars was going on only low down near the horizon.

With a thrill of wonder (and there was some terror in it too) they all suddenly realized what was happening. The spreading blackness was not a cloud at all: it was simply emptiness. The black part of the sky was the part in which there were no stars left. All the stars were falling: Aslan had called them home.

We should have got another Subaru

2006-09-20T19:37:00.000-07:00

$2300. For a new engine. For our fancy-pants Audi.

Goodbye, Vacation.

It's the bulls and the blood, it's the dust and the mud...

2006-08-14T22:36:00.000-07:00

You know you grew up in Southern Oregon in the '90's when you can sing along to the entire Garth Brooks Greatest Hits CD after not hearing it for about 10 years. Word for word. Loudly and shamelessly.

Adrenaline Rush

2006-08-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

How to feel horrified: Walk to where you parked your car for work and find it missing.

How to feel stupid: Remember that that's where you parked your car YESTERDAY.

That's SOME pig!

2006-08-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

Oh man. Get out the tissues.

Global Domination

2006-07-30T01:25:00.000-07:00

Risk + the wee hours + wine and ice cream + my fruitless efforts to "Take Back America" that ended in my utter devestation= deleriousness.

For your information, Risk is one of the few things that make me cuss.

2006-07-24T18:48:00.000-07:00

Feeling like this at night...

Makes me feel like this...

All day.

I hate summer.

Bathroom Humor

2006-07-21T20:16:00.000-07:00

My pastor had this video on his blog. Oh my word. Poop and underpants are fun!

(PS: What exactly is the purpose of that handle thing at the end of the video? Do things really get that crazy that you'd need to hold on for dear life?)

Well, I guess this sums it up nicely.

2006-07-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

(Except for the tormenting priests part. I'm trying to break that habit...)

Your Monster Profile

Cursed Ghoul

You Feast On: Coffee

You Lurk Around In: The Ocean

You Especially Like to Torment: Priests

What's Your Monster Name?

2006-07-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

Don't you wish you could be this cute in your pajamas and rubber frog boots?

Education for a tuesday morning

2006-06-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

I have learned three things today while sitting in the dentist's chair all morning with my mouth shoved wide open:

1. It is best to get your teeth cleaned and checked on a regular basis, even if this means you have to go to a dental school for a discount or pay out of pocket for the real deal. Because what happens is you end up with many, many cavities and the Time Has Now Come to Pay the Piper and It Is Not Pleasant.

2. It's hard not to roll your eyes and snort when your dentist is bragging about all his high school and college sports records that he holds and also how he ran up this huge hill last night in the sweltering heat and also that his great-great-grandfather was a world champion sharpshooter, etc, etc, etc. He probably also invented the internet.

3. If you listen to an Indie radio station while getting dental work done, chances are you'll have a few moments where you feel like your life is a cool indpendent film and you think "Maybe I AM one of those girls that can wear a skirt over their jeans and not look like an idiot!" and then you remember who and where you are.

Who knew?

2006-06-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

Did you hear the news? Yeah, the Backstreet Boys are still a band!

What a sick and twisted world...

2006-06-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

This guy is jugding America's Got Talent? Are you kidding?

(Kudos, though, Mr. Hasselhoff on the generous use of dachshunds in your video)

And you thought your job was exciting...

2006-06-19T19:47:00.000-07:00

The other night, I had a dream in which my coworkers and I were at the 6NW nurses station and we were told that they had just approved the budget for SIX NEW ADJUSTABLE COMMODES and everyone went mad with cheers and excitement. I think someone was even being carried on shoulders.

I have to get a life.

The stuff really works...

2006-06-18T15:22:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't a strange fungus growing on my hands. It's part of a Dr. Scholl's shoe insert super-glued firmly to my fingers. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

Don't go breakin' my heart...

2006-06-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

I'm being stalked. This kitty showed up outside my bathroom windown tonight. I gave it some general love, a little food and then it ran in my apartment when I opened the door. It looked around each room as if to say "Mmmm, yes, this will do" and now that I've put it back outside, its just sitting outside, staring at me and meowing at me to let it in.

I am a weak, weak person. And I think it senses how madly I want a cat right now.

Must. Resist. Urge. To. Let. Cat. Take. Over. My. Life.

Come Again?

2006-06-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

Just this moment, Nathan said I reminded him of Sam the Eagle. He said he thought twice about saying it "because I wouldn't understand", but said it anyway. Thank. You.

European Holiday, Willard Style

2006-05-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

I never in a million years would have picked the Czech Republic and Slovakia as my first European experience. But I'm so glad it worked out that way. Slovakia is a lot like Oregon, except all of the castles and insane driving (no really, I mean INSANE) and communist housing. It's gorgeous and lush and fairly untouched by Western tourism. Here's a play by play of some of the highlights and Things I Learned While Traveling to A Foreign Country in Eastern Europe.

Day 1 and 2: Up and Away

Travel, travel, travel. Fly, fly, fly. Austrian Airlines is the way to go with Uber-German/Austrian style and hospitality. Plus, cheese for breakfast! Due to a snafu, our friends couldn't make it to pick us up in Prague, but having no phones, we had to just wait it out at the airport and then navigate the bus/metro to get to our hostel in Old Town Prague. We made it, our friends made it, but I'll have to say it was one of the more miserable days of my life. Plus, my ankles swelled up like an old lady's which made me very cranky.

Day 3: Prague and All it's Trappings

We went to Slovakian mass in this beautiful "chapel", St. Vitus' Cathedral. We had no idea what was going on, so we just watched the chap in front of us and stood, kneeled and bowed heads when he did. I think the nuns behind us were totally on to the American Protestants. After this, we were utterly ripped off at a charming sidewalk cafe. The extra 100 crowns on our bill (about $5) was for ketchup. Yes, KETCHUP. Ketchup that was sitting at our table when we came! I spent about two days being pissed off about it (and still get a little miffed every now and again), but hey, live and learn. I'd rather just have free condiments. The rest of the day was spent on very touristy things like Prague Castle, St. Charles Bridge, the Astronomical Clock and pizza, Czech style. This means huge, with sheep cheese and only about $4 (plus another buck or so if you'd like to use the parmesan that's sitting at your table).

Did I mention $5 KETCHUP??!

Day 4: Slovakia and Barely Making It There Alive

I have mentioned the insanity of drivers in Slovakia, but this really does not do it justice. In one day, you can expect to be in about 4 very-near head-on collisions with people trying to pass while you're driving straight toward them. We had our first experience of Tesco, the Slovakian Wal-mart, but better. And there I had my first Slovakian string cheese. We finally found our hostel in a little villiage called Ludrova, as about authentic Slovakian as it gets. We drove around asking the locals "AB Hostel??" being met by blank stares. We resorted to knocking on the door of a house that shared the address we had for the hostel, and sure enough, it was an apartment in this man's home. It was beautiful, minus the Annie Hall sized spider in the bathtub drain. And, Villiage Radio! No kidding, over loudspeakers attatched to telephone poles, Slovakian music and sports updates would just come on for all the world to enjoy. It's a leftover from the days of communistic propaganda put to darn good use.

We also visited Orava Castle with our own private English tour. This is also a good place for a free bathroom and cheap little knight figurines.

Day 5: Enough Eeriness to Go Around

After ending up driving through someone's dairy farm, we finally found our way to this old abandoned castle. It required a hike through another dairy farm and some steep hilly terrain (had we looked 20 feet over we would have seen the trail) but it was well worth it.

We made our way to this beautiful town called Banska Stiavnica. We ended up staying in an old Scout House, right behind the Old Castle. When I say old, I mean 600 years old. And apparently haunted, as the man checking us in nonchalantly informed us. "Yes, it's haunted. They come around 1 to 3 in the morning, but are gone by 4 or 5." Uh, ok. This would be cool and all, but we were the only people in this gigantic haunted place. I stayed awake waiting for my first ghost encounter, but they never showed. I was kind of disappointed. We did, however, have a mouse friend eat some of our breakfast roll. So I guess that counts for something.

Day 6 and 7: Nitra and the Lesson of Calling Ahead to Make Sure That Your Reservations Have Not Been Cancelled Because You Failed to Respond to the E-mail Sent While You Were Traveling and Had No E-mail Access.

That pretty much sums it up. Our hotel receptionist said "Oh, we didn't think you were coming, but we made you reservations at such and such". Hmmm. When we reserve a room online, that means to me that we'll be coming to stay in that room. Our friend told us that he thought the one they reserved for us was pretty crappy, so we checked in next door at a very nice hotel for the same price. Plus, lots more cheese for breakfast (I love this place!!). And all the Slovakian music videos we could handle on the Music Box station. This actually means all the random American 80's and 90's videos we could handle. I have never heard "Can You Feel the Love Tonight" and "Gangsta's Paradise" so many times in so few days.

Nitra is one beautiful city. Apart from the smatterings of communist housing on the outskirts, there are all sorts of castles and churches and glories to behold. One of my favorite things in Nitra, besides the incredible architecture, was the Kofola. Think coca-cola plus licorice and some other spicy goodness. And cheap, about 30 cents for 1/3 liter. By the way, when you leave the States, you realize that Coca-Cola is actually taking over the world. Pshaw to Pepsi.

Day 7.0-7.8: On the Road Again and Again (AKA 10 Hours of Bus Riding at Its Finest)

Taking the bus in Slovakia isn't all that bad. It's like a dollar per half-hour and they're the nice charter buses with the fancy seats and a TV up front for who knows what. However, trying to buy a bus ticket when you don't speak the language can be a little dicey. Nathan said "Two for Cesky Krumlov". What we heard was "No Cesky Krumlov. Cesky Budojovice blah blah blah, blah blah blah." Uhhhhhh. Ok. We crossed our fingers and hoped we got to Cesky Krumlov. My favorite part of the ride, I think, was when Nathan pointed out that the lady getting off the bus in a small village had a stack of Smurf videos. So THAT'S who is still wathcing the Smurfs... they're probably also the ones still reading the Ziggy cartoons.

One problem is that they don't announce the town that you're stopping in, so good luck with that if you just happen to wake up and the bus is stopping. We got off in the right city, but not at the right stop, which left us hauling our baggage all over the dang city looking for the bus terminal. At that point I was cursing the Czech Republic and myself for packing so much. We finally squeezed our way onto the ciry bus headed for Cesky Krumlov, only to watch in horror as a little girl with rotten front teeth was gnawing on the seats in front of her. You could almost hear everyone's hands fold up quietly in their lap and the heightened sense of not-touching-anything was thick in the air.

Day 7.8-8: Fairytale Central and the Best Pension Ever

Cesky Krumlov is what Prague would be without all the drunk frat boys, traffic and trash. It was beautiful beyond belief, one of the most idyllic places I've ever seen. The Vltava (Elbe) river running through the heart of town was almost perfect, giving the city a very natural feel despite all of the touristy attractions. We stayed in this ancient little B&B called Pension Ve Vezi, a tower that used to be part of the city wall in the days of Way Long Ago. They even served us breakfast, complete with, yes, cheese and a soft boiled egg in a little egg cup and a tiny spoon to crack it with. It was so very European and I was smitten.

We paid about $11 for a Slovak tour of the Old Theatre up at the Castle. Our logic for going to the tour in Slovak was that the English tour was going to be a little too late for us to chance and hey, we'll just walk around and look and then read about it later. However, it wasn't so much a "tour" in Slovak as it was a 45-minute lecture in Slovak. There was no touring to be had. Just sitting on hard benches in the dark and listening to a language we didn't understand. It was a serious Charlie Brown moment, minus the cute beagles or football shenanigans.

I also had a tick friend that I found on my leg from who knows where. It's a difficult thing to try to remove a tick in an old medieval tower with nothing but matches and a bobby pin. MacGyver would be proud. Ticks being one of my biggest fears (acutually, being ALONE and having a tick in an unreachable place is one of my biggest fears), I was able to remain relatively calm and collected.

The Evening of the 8th Day: A Day that Will Live in Infamy, or Really, You Should Really Always Call When You've Made Online Reservations to a Hotel Because They Proabably Won't Have a Room Reserved For You and You Will Have to Stay in the Creepiest Apartment in Prague and Eat McDonalds For Dinner, So Just Call Ahead and Confirm. Please.

The way that the accomodations liason in Prague works is that they take in poor, dumb tourists who didn't call to confirm reservations and find them last minute accomodations. At the dumpiest place ever, making it look and sound like a great deal and making you pay a deposit before you check in so that you can't walk quikcly away from the sketchiness once you get to the place. The guy who was helping us was super nice, but also super loose in his definition of "comparable".

Do not be fooled by the pictures and think "Oh, that's not so bad..." For $75, yes it was. And the carpet was not barefootable. Thankfully we only had, oh, about 6 hours there.

Days 9 and 10: The Value of Giving up Your Seats on United Airlines

Two free round trip tickets and a night in the Hyatt. Worth all the jetlag and airport food in the world.

2006-05-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

If this doesn't make you want to dance for joy, then nothing will.

Hello, Champion City...Daddy's Home

2006-04-20T00:37:00.000-07:00

We just watched Munich and I can't help but think: is Geoffrey Rush's character just Casanova Frankenstein with a haircut and new glasses?

"Tonight I am going to do to Champion City what I have done to its greatest superhero — und there will still be time to go up, get down... und boogie!"

Going Medieval

2006-04-18T20:28:00.000-07:00

In less than one month I will be here. I'm hoping that I'll get to be involved in some sort of re-enactment of something or other that happened in Slovakia in the Days of Yore. As long as it involves eating a big turkey leg and drinking mead out of a bowl, I'm in.

In other news, I just discovered Leonard Cohen. How no one told me about this is beyond me. If you're reading this, and you know of Leonard Cohen and you have never told me about him, you have some 'splaining to do.

This is Portland, Folks

2006-03-30T22:29:00.000-08:00

Driving home from work the other day, I saw a clean-cut middle aged man in a dress shirt and tie walking down the street playing a harmonica.

I'm thinking of him as my own personal jongleur.

2056

2006-03-18T23:59:00.000-08:00

A Conversation, Someday Many Years From Now:

Movie Concession Guy: That'll be $483...

Nathan: What?

Jess: Remember when a small popcorn only cost $4.50? Now THOSE were the good old days.

Beachy

2006-03-15T20:19:00.000-08:00

I am in love with this cheese. Madly, deeply, hopelessly in love.

In other news, besides the cheese that has stolen my heart, we spent the rainy day at Cannon Beach and it was pretty much perfect, right down to the black licorice pipes that we ate as we drove out of town. We are also now the proud owners of a ceramic otter holding a fish in its mouth from the dusty corner of a fudge shop. Nathan has been talking about it for about a year.

So it's official. We have turned into an elderly couple.

For Your Viewing Pleasure

2006-03-11T22:53:00.000-08:00

Did anyone have this book that came with a McDonald's Happy Meal?

Ah, good times a plenty!

Peanuts and Perfection

2006-03-08T21:45:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite place in the entire world, besides my bed.

Nathan and I enjoyed an evening in front of the fire with our glasses of wine and unlimited peanuts for 25 cents, which, by the way, you can throw on the floor. It's the perfect place, if Ye Olde English Peasant Sophisticate is your style.

Eat Your Heart Out, Freud

2006-03-06T17:42:00.000-08:00

Interpret this dream, if you dare.

I was in my parents living room when I heard Nathan upstairs, having a nightmare and yelling in his sleep. I went up to see what was going on, to calm him down. He was dreaming that he had turned into a paper mache Japanese head, and in fact , he had. He had these nasty spidery type legs and was crawling around in my parent's room. I coaxed him to the door, calling him like a puppy, when all of a sudden he turned into a black pekingese, ran past me and jumped on my sisters bed. I sat petting him for a minute, and then he turned to me and gave me a really creepy grinning dog-look, the kind that pets give that make you think that they're reading your thoughts (and silently judging you or plotting your demise).

I hurried downstairs to the kitchen and after awhile, called Nathan down in my high pitched dog calling voice. He came bounding down the stairs and jumped into my arms, although he was now some black and white farm dog. I asked him if he would say anything for me, and he opened his little dog mouth as if to say "Ahhhh.." and then he peed on me.

Gold Digger

2006-03-02T19:44:00.000-08:00

This is what I'm talkin' about. Sometimes I lay awake at night thinking about how awesome it would be if all the oceans were drained and we could dig around on the ocean floor and see what we find. Just think about how much cool stuff is down there (and I do include skeletons in my list of "Cool Things to Find on the Ocean Floor").

Maybe if global warming is as serious as everyone makes it out to be, it will just give us one big treasure hunt. So what's all the worry, science? Sounds good to me.

2006-02-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

By the way, cutest neice and nephew, ever.

Sneaking out of My Space

2006-02-28T19:13:00.000-08:00

I've decided to enter the world of adult blogging, the kind that takes place not on My Space. This isn't to say that I will actually be posting grown-up thoughts and ideas because let's face it, I'm an 8 year old trapped in a 27 year-old life and I still giggle when someone says the word "fart". I mostly feel like I'm just playing house and that my manager at work will someday find out that I'm supposed to be in 3rd grade and then it's back to the playground. Not that I'd mind. It doesn't pay much to swing on monkey bars, but it's a decent life.

And you will always know that when I'm blogging, it's because I have something that I am supposed to be doing instead, something that I don't want to do. I can't promise you many things, Internet, but that is my promise to you.